I’m the heaviest and leanest I’ve ever been in my 20s
I’m turning 30 at the end of this year, and I’ve never felt stronger and more unbothered than ever about the way my body looks (& is going to look).
To start,
I’ve always been called skinny, and as I grew into a young adult (18+), I believe I started to be skinny fat. I have always been a size XS/S, but it’s only because I was born with a lean frame. Lifting 10kg in the gym was a problem for me just 3 years ago.
I never felt my lack of strength was an issue though, because back then, I only wanted to look good in my clothes. I would only do cardio, yoga or pilates without any extra resistance. I believed that lifting heavy weights would make me bigger and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to fit my clothes, so I avoided dumbbells at all cost. I also ate at least 80% carbs at every meal, and I didn’t pay attention to what I was putting into my body at all.
You might think, “But there aren’t any issues, is there? You’re not overweight and you don’t have any health issues.”
Well yes, but I’m also really young still. If I kept up with my habits, where would I be at 35 or 45, when the power of youth isn’t on my side anymore? I think I would just be fat without the skinny and maybe with some health problems.
The year my life changed
Sometime in March 2024, I stumbled upon health & wellness podcasts. A year in, I’m still addicted to learning from health and fitness professionals, & most of the time, they share the same tips. And I mean, imagine spending at least 60 minutes a day, everyday, for an entire year - I’ve gone through A LOT of info. 2024 was the year my life truly changed in terms of health and wellness.
Preface - please read
What I’m about to share isn’t a rule book for anyone. I think my journey should be nothing but a leaflet in your own health journey, hopefully in a positive direction. Take everything with a pinch of salt and do your own research and experiment on your own! I’m still doing this everyday and choose not to believe 100% of what these health professionals online are saying.
The relationship of working out & body image
Because I used to be that girl who didn’t care about the health aspect of things but to stay a size S, I know there are others out there still on this mindset:
I am doing this workout class to burn 450 calories so I can feel less guilty about eating crap
I need to eat less and workout harder because I recently gained weight
All my friends are going to workout classes, I guess I should go too?
There’s no good or bad food (for the most part)
I still eat everything. I won’t say no to eating out with friends, because what is life without living? I also don’t punish myself for eating this or that. I know my body can support a day or two of “junk” food right now. In the past, I’ll definitely worry and feel a little bad. I think it’s not the best for us to believe that we can out-exercise a poor diet. One day, it’ll catch up to us, especially as we age.
You’ll be disappointed to know this,
Exercise is one of the most inefficient ways to lose weight. Its sooo easy to eat 200 calories, but so tough to burn all 200. Besides, calories burned on your fitness tracker is highly inaccurate, so if it says you burned 200, did you really?
Also, stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers drop may not necessarily be a good thing. Your weight is made up of so many things - water, bones, muscles, fat, etc. Have you ever thought of which one you want to lose? The answer is fat for most of us. If you asked me just 2 years ago, I would again say I couldn’t care less about muscles too, but that is so so wrong and I’ll explain more later.
So, if you’ve been working out hard and reducing your meal portions, you might not be losing fat even though the number on the scale has dropped.
What happens when you lose weight, but not fat?
You might gain even more fat - this is the most basic answer. The first time I learnt about this I was honestly shocked, and then worried for myself.
If you’ve done some research about weight loss before, you might have come across the term “yoyo-ing”. If you don’t know what it means, it means that some people get on a diet and lose weight effectively only to gain back the same weight or more within a short span of time, especially if the same habits are not kept up with.
There is only 1 way to keep the fat off forever, and that is to have more muscles.
This piece of knowledge was what led me to pick up weights in the gym. Please do your own reading up, but here’s the gist of it in my own words - When your body has more muscles, your basal metabolic rate is higher. This means that you’re burning more calories for doing everyday things as compared to before. As you work to gain muscles, your body slowly burns off the fat and that is how fat stays lost. You might have also learnt from somewhere that real fat loss cannot be done overnight, and this is the reason why. It is the slowest process ever.
Calorie-restricting diets - what is really lost?
When you go on a calorie-restricting diet and start an extreme workout routine for a couple of months, you’ll of course lose some fat in the process. But you will also lose water, and most of the time, muscles too. Muscle is “expensive” for your body to keep. So when your body is not well nourished on your calorie-restricting diet, the first thing to go is the muscle and not fat. So with less muscles, your body’s metabolism might slow down, hence for eating the same things or even reducing what you once enjoyed, you’re still gaining fat!
Maybe you are insanely determined and have decided to stay on your calorie-restricting diet and workout routine for the rest of your life - then yes, maybe you’ll not yo-yo and be able to manage your weight. But I believe what’s lost is also your social life, and perhaps mental health.
Btw, I haven’t heard the best reviews for home body scanners for body fat percentage. I personally do not use them, and have the same belief about them as fitness trackers. The gold standard to measure body fat percentage is to do a DEXA scan.
What fitness means to me
While I have not done a DEXA scan, and will not be arranging for one anytime soon, one way I know I have lost fat is by how my clothes fit. I’ve since gained about 2-3kg the past year, but a lot of my bottoms are looser around the waist. It’s nothing drastic, especially when my size and weight have never fluctuated a lot.
But if you didn’t know, muscles are a lot heavier than fats and also take up less space on your body. This is why people with high muscle mass look leaner than their weights on the scale!
I care a lot more about feeling strong now, even if it means I’ll look different. Thing is, I don’t look any different than before, and believe I won’t look too far off in the future as an average person doing average workouts haha. But I know that this is the only way I can age well and stay independent for as long as possible. It’s the simple things like being able to do my own groceries and open a jar in the kitchen in my 80s. I know a lot of elderly people who cannot do these things on their own. Staying independent in my old age will allow me to enjoy life in every season, that’s important to me.
My current progress
I mentioned earlier that a 10kg squat sent me dying in the beginning of my weightlifting journey. Today, I’m able to squat more than my bodyweight. The human body is incredible! The way I see & feel myself get stronger is just one of the many amazing things our bodies are capable of. Another thing is knowing your body can heal itself when you fuel it the right way, in terms of nutrition & mindfulness. I’m grateful for everything I am capable of, and look forward to challenging myself and seeing myself grow even more in the years to come!
My workout routine
*Do note that this is what works for me currently, and I’m always keen to make changes as I go along. This shouldn’t be a formula for your health & fitness goals, we’re all different and have different needs!
Walking
I can’t believe I’ve spent almost a year of taking morning walks for about an hour. This is the most healing thing I have done for my mental health! I personally believe this is also the best thing for anyone to do for their health.
Brisk walking at 60-70% of your maximum heart rate puts you in the fat-burning zone.
It’s so great to get your steps in first thing in the morning, along with some morning sun. I look forward to doing this everyday and it is the best time for me to listen to a podcast as well.
I usually skip my walks on Saturdays and do something fun with friends/family instead.
Weight lifting
I don’t have the best full body regime because I tend to focus on my lower body. I lift really heavy for my lower body, and moderate for my upper body.
I actually only lift once a week. I’ll have a full lower body day.
My other sessions of work outs which include weights are when I do HIIT and Pilates, both once a week.
And that’s it! I don’t work out like crazy and plan to keep it that way until change is needed.
If I could leave you with one heartfelt advice,
Know that discipline is not punishment or a chore, but self-love. It’s raining heavily, but that doesn’t stop you from going on a walk because you promised yourself you will. Love yourself enough to keep promises you have made to yourself. It’s a form of trust and respect. Some people only give respect to others, but forget about doing the same for themselves, put yourself first always.
When you have discipline, you don’t need motivation. Highly successful people are not motivated everyday, and neither do I feel upbeat about lifting weights every Tuesday! But I do it because I love my future self. I think 60 year old me deserves this, so I’m going to put in the work.
